Graton Road

Tonight, I'm sitting on my couch. A couch that will soon be moved to our bedroom or away for good. My parents will be here Friday with tons of things and acutally a different couch then I am sitting on now, although I must be honest-- I'm getting quite attached to this couch because I spend so much time here. 

Brent's been away for the week. It's my second week in Sebastopol and as a wife. I must admit, I am loving being a wife. Now, I know some people would say, of course you love it and yes, yes I do- but I am actually enjoying things that I normally don't... such as laundry and cleaning-- i do not know how long my enjoyment of these things will last, but i will enjoy them now for as long as i do. I wake up at 5 am every morning with brent and read the bible and then make us breakfast and have loved that too except i've been super tired! naturally. 

While he has been away i've been sleeping in a little and I've been to Brent's parents house the last two nights for dinner and everything, but I'm not going to lie, I was kind of excited to stay in tonight in our place. I don't mind being alone. I think I learned that in London because sometimes us girls would have our alone times in our flats and just spend the evening reading and what not. So here I am. I have started to paint our dresser and now it's drying. I was so hungry that I have already had dinner. I will proably finish writing, grab a snack and either journal, read, or watch Roman Holiday (I've been saving it for a moment like this). I bought myself a bottle of wine and ritter sport. it's relaxing night, but i promise i will not drink the whole bottle! i sound like an alcoholic. I'm also listening to depressing music. haha i sound pathetic! but i'm not going to lie-- i love this. what does that say about me? i don't know. 

It's already Wednesday and I feel like there is still so much to do before Friday when my parents come and brent will be back :) yah! 

So married life. i already said i love being a wife and just getting to spend time with brent has been amazing. you know, i will say being long distance dating and now getting to see him all the time is the best thing ever. Sex is way better than i ever thought too! i was so scared and now i just love it. (okay so this is probably way too much information but no one really reads this anyway, so i thought i was safe). So that's amazing and such a blessing. Finding a job is another story, but just keep trusting the Lord. 

My wedding was 2 weeks ago and it was so much fun. I can truly say and i know everyone says this about their wedding day and now i understand, but it seriously was the happiest day of my life ever. i seriously don't remember myself feeling that amazing and happy all at once and for the whole day! the day turned out perfect and i loved having everyone there and get to spend time with them over the weekend. The honeymoon was equally fantastic in Canada and we went dog sledding and horse drawn sleigh riding and afternoon tea drinking. it was a blast. 

alright well i think that's all right now. one thing about being up here though... I miss my friends and family but it hasn't set in yet to the point of bawling but goodness... with my wine and chocolate and depressing music, i'm minutes away from grabbing the kleenex box! 

2 weeks down and 50 years to go :) definitely not long enough to be married to brent. hopefully we'll go for the gold and make it 70! 

God's rain and leaves

The rain continues to pour as I write this. 

While in class this evening, the beautiful rush of rain poured over our small classroom in the Grove. I decided to park on the opposite side of campus this evening--something I haven't done and quite random on the one night it decides to rain, the only reason I parked so far away is I was feeling nostalgic and wanted to walk through campus. The rain kept pouring as we were dismissed so I took the long walk to where my car was. 

As I was walking to my car, the rain seemed to gently tap me on the shoulder as if it were reminding me of something, something I had been forgetting, it was God's ultimate control in my life. I didn't ignore the tapping, but I wasn't paying much attention to it. Soon the rain was now shaking me for my attention-- "Do you not see! God is here! He is alive! Awake!" the world seemed to disappear and all I could truly think of is how I have forgotten to trust the Lord these past weeks. My family is going through a horrible process and the pain and heartache it is causing is something I pray God will help heal. The rain reminded me of it tonight. The steady, elegant pour of rain. It's constant. I know that God is a constant in my life and I will trust him always. With taking me in a situation where I had no control over, the rain, and alowing me to observe and be apart of that random act of God's beauty. 

I walked as slow as I could to my car--hair soaking, water dripping off my face, water puddles sloshing up my jeans--I saw the fall leaves soaked into the cement, as if they were painted there representing the end of its season. I feel the exact same way as that. The end of a season. So beautiful it wants to hold on, but knowing that seasons will always change. Soon those leaves will be washed away but atleast the memory of their time will last forever. I dont think this metaphor works for me but i'm going to make it work. though there is always new leaves on trees-- i just feel as though my Biola season is at the end.

I know this is just rambling words and I could go on and on but I am exhausted. I guess my two things of the night is to know that God has the power and ultimate plan. and that my season of life that is ending was amazing and I could not be more excited for the next. 

Stop This Train

Today, while shopping through Bloomingdales searching for the perfect Halloween costume... Bloomingdales, you ask, long story. So we are walking around the store and all of a sudden I hear a melody that takes me back to a year ago. Sitting on a train in England, traveling to who knows what small village or city, looking at the grey skies and green grass--searching for cute houses and wholly sheep-- listening to this song. Believe it or not, it was the first time I had heard the song since I left England. I stopped and just listened to the words. Here they are below. This song is just brilliant. This song, Vienna, and of course a few others have made such an impact on things. There is nothing better than songs like this. I just love them. I'm going to have to make a list of songs of "growing up" songs. or something like that. Anyway... for now... here it is: Stop This Train. 

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
Don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

-John Mayer

Notable mention songs: Vienna by Billy Joel, Row by Patty Griffin, Winding Road by Bonnie Somerville

Writing in the night

There is nothing more exciting then getting to sit down with an open screen and blank space to type. Of course, there is nothing more terrifying either. What is to come when you are typing way. I used to blog a lot... or atleast journal online. Maybe I've gotten scared at the fact it has an official name "blogging" that is keeping me from holding back on my blog. 

Anyway... I think instead of writing about specific things, I'll write what is going on and whatever I guess. 

I just had my best friends from Omaha come and visit me in LA. It was a blast. We ran all over the place. It's crazy when I am back with them again--everything is just how it was. We have all changed so much in where we are living, who we are living with, and what we all experience on a day to day bases, but what hasn't changed is who we are in personality and true love for each other. I feel so blessed to have those girls and truly wish I could see them so much more. If I sit down and think about it, the next time the 4 of us will all be together will be my wedding-which will be too crazy to acutally sit down all together-- then who knows Anna could be in New Jersey/Arkansas... Lisa and Mel will still be in Omaha and I will be on the West Coast. It's been crazy not being able to see each other, but atleast when we are... we will enjoy it to the extreme. Thats how it was this last weekend. Pure enjoyment. Pure honesty. Pure love. 

It never seems to slow down. After my girls left, I haven't got a chance to myself really- doing my internship, working, and school. Though, I will make time to just enjoy life, as much as I can. 

There is only about 2 months left of school... 2 months!! Is anyone else freaking out here? Wow. It's just crazy to think I will be done with school. Alright I'm getting suppper tired right now. I will hopefully write a more profound entry later. This though has be though a good little outlet to relax and just type. 

Attempt

This was started due to a few girls I know, that I love very much. 

I am also trying to sit here and do my homework, but on those moments when words run out and facts in the books aren't showing up like they should be, I will now turn to my blog. My new officially blog. 

In stealing from Mindy's sister, Mindy, and Melissa. I will begin my list-- my happy list. 

1. memories

2. laughing so hard your crying

3. when you laugh with someone knowing exaclty what the other one is thinking

4. coffee on a raining day

5. fall leaves

6. being with someone who stops the world when you're with them

7. the gracious, merciful God

8. writing your heart out

9. good quotes

10. decorating for the holidays

11. silver bells, everygreen and christmas spirit

12. believing your the only one in the world that occusionaly talks to themself

13. dancing

14. camp rivercrest

15. seeing a friend after a very long time

16. london weather, london books, london places, london red phone booths, leichester square, the trains, the muesums, lake district. England. 

17. pictures. really great pictures. 

18. really good conversations

19. question books

20. disneyland corndogs

21. disneyland

22. mail and sending mail

23. baking-- anything and everything. happy, happy times.

24. wedding magazines (this was before the engagement!) 

25. knowing I get to spend the rest of my 80 years with my best friend living, traveling, serving the Lord, raising a family, and growing old together. (esp. the last part)